Why We Ignore Our True Needs — And How to Start Hearing Them

Everyone has basic needs, such as food, shelter, and security. But what of other needs, such as connection, autonomy, meaning, and more? Do we truly keep these in mind, or are we content to just exist and not pay attention to anything beneath the surface? 

Many of us remain disconnected from our needs, and this disconnect becomes so normalized that we forget we ever had them. We think that if we sleep a lot, consume dopamine boosting foods, and say an occasional hi to our neighbors, there’s nothing we want. But that’s not true. So, let’s discuss why this happens — why we overlook what matters and how to change it. 

What Makes Us Forget About Ourselves?

There are many reasons why we decide that our needs suddenly don’t matter. Because, even if we think that it’s “nothing,” it’s still, in its core, us ignoring what we want, a form of self-sabotage that hurts us long-term.

• Conditioning since childhood. As children, we often ignore our needs because we were taught that something we wanted wasn’t that important. When we sit still and quiet, we are rewarded. When our needs aren’t met and we react negatively, we get punished. Many who have googled “What is Liven?” and used our app, have later shared their experiences, revealing that their parents taught them to hide their needs as a sign of being good. 
• Fear of rejection or conflict. Expressing our needs can feel risky, especially if we’ve faced criticism or dismissal in the past. To us, the idea that we will be heard is low, while the chance of getting attacked is high. 
• Extremely pressuring situations. When life gets tough, we may find ourselves trapped in a cycle of “just get it done,” and so we focus on the basics, such as obtaining food, drink, and sleep. It’s not that we don’t want to listen to ourselves — we don’t know how and when to do it. 
• Disconnection. True needs often manifest as subtle sensations, such as tension, hunger, fatigue, or agitation. However, if we live primarily in our heads or are entirely out of touch with reality, we miss these cues.

Tune Into Your Body’s Signals

Our body is the most honest thing we’ve got. It’s tiny subtle tells are always there to remind us and push us in the right direction. Doing a quick body scan is a great one-minute way to reconnect with your sensations without getting lost in more complex strategies.

Close your eyes and move your attention from your head to your toes. Where is there tension, fatigue, restlessness, or warmth? When you notice something, ask yourself: What is the message your body is trying to send you? Listen to yourself without trying to judge or solve the problem. 

Start Journaling and Make It Kind

Try to dedicate at least ten minutes a day to these journal prompts:

1. What did you crave today, in any way? 

2. When did you feel drained today?

3. Were there people or situations that took energy away from you?

4. What activities today positively surprised you?

Do a Little Spontaneity Exercise

The practice of ignoring our needs sometimes becomes so automatic that we don’t realize that, often, our attempt to rationalize our decisions is actually a traitor in disguise. So, try to tackle it the other way: when you face a choice, don’t try to think logically — do what seems good in the moment. 

Over time, you will notice that you are ready to challenge these learned decisions and you are more open to thinking unconventionally. This activity isn’t just tapping into the hidden needs; it’s also about breaking the pattern.

Ask Your Younger Self

Reach out to that child you were and think about what you wanted and sought from others. Quite often, our younger selves are more honest and daring than we are — they remember and crave things that seem silly but are especially important to them. 

Have a comfy evening with yourself and reflect. What did you want as a child but didn’t get enough of? Is it something you keep wishing for now? For example, you might notice that when you pass a toy shop, you keep looking at that thing that your parents could never afford, but you can now. But you keep walking away, believing that there’s no justification for doing this. Why not give yourself this tiny thing? You can be the adult for your inner child and satisfy your needs. 

Get Inspiration From Others

Don’t underestimate the power of a strong connection with people who are in tune with themselves. Do you know someone who always seems to know what they want and doesn’t shy away from it? Spend time with them. Even if it’s not someone you know closely, observe and become friends with this person (if they also respect boundaries, of course). 

These people usually encourage others to be genuine; like attracts like, and you will feel more comfortable expressing yourself. Those who appreciate their limits and values tend to be similarly careful around those around them.

Conclusion

Allow yourself to want, dream, and seek more. Don’t let the world dictate the rules of your day and where you put your passions and efforts. It’s a muscle that will strengthen every time you practice it, so don’t worry that it might feel a bit stiff at first. Surround yourself with good thoughts and good people; soon enough, it will result in a good life as well.